The act of self love can radically change your health and wellbeing by bringing greater connection and acceptance of self. These feelings can empower you with self worth, confidence and help you live a life of purpose, passion and joy.
Whilst self love calls for us to be kind and loving, it's actually not all soft and nurturing practices that get us there.
The acts of self love are a combination of compassion and discipline in self-care.
Balancing softness and strength is essential for personal growth and well-being and knowing when to lean into one or the other is the greatest tool of all.
As children many of us were brought up with both masculine and feminine energy around us; be that with parents, guardians or close family. This duality of both nurturing support and guidance for challenges provided both soft and tough love.
As we grow up and become independent, it’s important that we can love ourselves in both ways. To know when we need to be slow, kind, compassionate and forgiving towards ourselves… and conversely when to be strong, reach for discipline, step up to challenges bravely, and get out of our comfort zone for growth and expansion.
The easy way is to shift away from what is hard and lean into what feels good now, however growth comes outside of this space. Whilst I’m not against the pace of slow, gentle, nourishment (I’m a huge lover and advocate for these rituals), I have also gained so much confidence and personal growth from being uncomfortable, disciplined and tough with myself.
This energy comes from a place where I know what is best for me, even if what I desire to feel in the moment is contrary. Sometimes the actions we take are for later, not for now and whilst we aim to live in the present, we must also be cognisant that the actions we take now are to support our future selves.
It's a fine line between pushing ourselves too far or cowering away from challenges that are here to serve us. Self awareness and body intelligence plays an important role in knowing when to rise up and when to just lay down and surrender.
Remember our friend procrastination? Read about her here.
Two key aspects of self tough love are self compassion and self discipline. You need them both, like we all need both masculine and feminine influences as children, as adults we need to harness both parts of ourselves.
Getting the balance right is key - always living in your "get s#!t done" energy will lead to burnout. Always sitting in your "whatever will be will be" may hold you back from taking critical action needed to manifest change.
Self-Compassion is being kind to yourself, recognising your humanity, and not being overly self-critical. It’s forgiving yourself and being an empathetic listener to your body’s capacity. It's knowing your worthy. It's being calm in the face of failure.
Self-Discipline is setting and adhering to standards and goals, pushing yourself to achieve your best. It’s getting out of your comfort zone to try new things, be vulnerable, feel awkward, tired, cold and nervous. Anxiety isn’t something we should avoid, it’s simply something to listen to.
How to know when to be soft and when to be strong?
Listen. Listen to your body - not your mind. Our subconscious mind is in the drivers seat most of the time. Running on fears, past experiences, erroneous stories and belief systems that are there to protect us - and are usually untrue.
The body shows us when we are in a stress state and can hold the intelligence and intuition to inform us of what it's ready for.
* Take time each day to meditate or perform a daily mindful practice and bring your body back to homeostasis.
* Check in - how do I feel? What am I afraid of? What am I putting off? What do I truly NEED? What am I resisting? What am I doing for ME today?
* Know your limits and set boundaries to protect your well-being. Be realistic with your capacity.
* Incorporate both self-care activities and disciplined tasks into your daily schedule. Often the act of being balanced will bring you into alignment.
A daily practice to tune into your masculine and feminine sides is a great place to find daily alignment.
Creating your own space for self connection and lenaing into discipline to implement the ritual in itself is a balanced act.
Hold one in each hand to anchor your practice.
Shiva Lingams hold the duality of the masculine and feminine and serve as a reminder of the sacred balance of energy within and around us. Bringing confidence, balance and vitality, these stones are a perfect addition to a meditation practice.